How Does One Cultivate Self-Love?

Written by Suranya Sur

When you think of ‘self-love’ and the innumerable articles being written on it today, it can get a bit overwhelming to know where to start, how to implement it in your life and what would actually work for you.

Let me break this down for you in a simple sentence. ‘Self-love' cannot be found in a day, or perhaps even in a week. It’s a lifestyle, a thought process that needs to be cultivated slowly. It may take you time to genuinely find love for yourself, enough that it can help you navigate through some really tough life situations without losing your sense of self. Sometimes, all the healthy food in the world, copious exercise routines, etc. can fail to make you look and feel the way you want to! This is where you might realize that our mind and body are so intertwined, that unless your mind is liberated, and you have a deep-rooted love and respect for yourself, no matter what your lifestyle or achievements, the joy they bring to you will only be momentary and short- lived. Once you’ve made this connection, you now know that this journey of self- discovery and love begins by treating your problems at root level, and not at symptomatic level. A few simple yet powerful tips in achieving this mindset are:

• Removing perfectionism and practicing self-compassion.

Being a relentless perfectionist could be doing your mental health unimaginable harm! Set realistic goals, redefine success for yourself and procure joy out of every little act of kindness/service to others. Normalize failures and be willing to always learn from life. Most importantly, choose your happiness any day overachieving excellence.

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• Clear perspective. This is key since ‘ every thing really comes down to one’ s state of mind .’ Life will never be exactly perfect and especially not at all times. Understanding and accepting this reality is HUGE! Once you come to terms with this, and learn to love and forgive yourself – you will have an unshakeable strength stem from embracing this attitude. Suffering is an undeniable part of life. The idea here is to let that suffering affect you, perhaps even make you learn something and grow from it, and then let it pass. Holding on to negative feelings and letting them crush you and dictate your mood/behavior is where the actual damage happens. But remember , you ’ re the master . You’re the one who sanctions it.

BECOME CONSCIOUS OF THAT AUTHORITY AND STRENGTH.

• Daily practices. Every person has a way of dealing with pain, anxiety, trauma and thereafter releasing it. FIND YOURS. Sometimes, it could be talking to yourself in third person. Some people could find catharsis in meditation, some by ‘ losing themselves in service to others, and thereby discovering themselves ’ as Mahatma Gandhi had said, and some by disconnecting from the world sporadically. Whatever it is, it is extremely helpful to establish such ‘feel good’ practices to replenish your soul, and refuel your mind to make better choices and decisions daily.

With consistent and conscious effort, one can develop a self-compassionate, loving and strong core sense of being, enough to achieve that so called ‘balance’ we all struggle to have in life. It is this balance that allows you to gain control over yourself, how you filter passing emotions and what you take away from daily experiences.

As His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama said “ On the surface, waves may come and go, but underneath , the ocean always remains calm. ”

Developing such a powerful foundation to remain undisturbed,

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unaltered by fleeting sentiments, ever growing, ever evolving and maintaining gratitude for what is -

Now THAT is real self - love.

Hello! I'm Suranya and i have a passion for writing blog posts/articles for topics related to self love and care, the mind body connection, holistic health and healing, etc.I'm a firm believer that stress, emotional despair and illness is a cumulative outcome of several factors that go beyond just simple nutrition and lifestyle. Every aspect of our being is interconnected and plays its own role. Just as we know what we want our bodies to 'look' like, it is important we know what we want our mind to 'feel' like. My research and writing will offer a much deeper perspective into things and a more holistic approach towards healing.