Letting Go

Written By Rebecca McGranahan

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything — anger, anxiety, or possessions — we cannot be free.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

“You can only lose what you cling to.” — Buddha

Anyone who has ever had to let go of something or someone that was no longer good for them, understands that letting go is a process that can sometimes be painful. Human beings are wired differently than most animals, as we operate on complex emotions. There is no internal “master switch” to turn off our feelings and as we all know, our emotions can be very powerful. Sometimes we believe that holding onto or hanging in there with a difficult person or a toxic situation, is a show of great strength, intestinal fortitude or is the ultimate declaration of love. On the flip side, what if the thing or person that we're clinging to, is the very thing that is destroying us? We must consider whether we are hanging onto something because it serves us in a positive way or whether we are using it as a crutch, an excuse or an avoidance? Letting go is a process and more often than not, humans find it a painful one. We must understand that it is in the letting go that our real strength shines through.

Buddhism tells us we must let go of things that no longer serve us.

It teaches us that we must let go of our desires and attachments in order for us to experience the truest form of happiness and freedom. This does not mean that we become “detached.” It simply means that we let go of things or wrong beliefs that we've clung to in the past which are no longer good for us. A lesson we must learn is that the people or things we hold onto most desperately, were never really ours in the first place. We must realize that nothing or no one can fix us or make us whole but ourselves.

Buddhists believe that to let go is to forgive not only others but also ourselves. If we can look inside our own abyss, process and identify the things we've done incorrectly and who we’ve hurt in the process, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves and our wrongs. Through this, we can become enlightened to our mistakes and we can make a conscious choice to learn from and not repeat them.

Negative emotions caused by hanging onto toxic things, can manifest not only in our mind but in our body as both are connected. They can wreak havoc on our health and our peace of mind. Living in the past can destroy our mental health and those around us. We must live in the present, forgive, practice self-compassion and remember that everyone has baggage. We are not alone in our problems.

So how do we “let go”? Here are a few steps that will take the sting out of ending your time with a person or thing that no longer serves you.

1. Don’t confuse letting go with forgetting: Don’t fight your memories. Letting go is about learning how to live in the presence of what was

2. Accept what cannot change: There is no use in wishing that things were the same as they once were. There is no way to go back and redo or relive the past. However, we can change the present and with that the future. Very seldom can we control life’s changes.

3. Meditate: Develop your mental muscles! Allow your mind to become more clear and effective as you let go.

4. Surround yourself with people who build you up: People who feed off of your misfortune are poison to your happiness. Surround yourself with people who want what’s best for you and hold you to a higher accountability. Be around those who inspire you. Stay away from people who are not happy for your accomplishments and good fortune.

5. Forgiveness heals: We forgive others but rarely ourselves. One of the hardest arts is self-forgiveness. We must forgive ourselves whether it was our fault or not.

6. Seek Professional help: If you are struggling with loss there a lot of help available from qualified people who specialize in letting go.

Letting go may feel painful sometimes but it needn’t be. When we realize that like shifting sands, things come in and out of our lives for a purpose, we begin to understand that no thing or person truly belongs to us. We can begin to let go of toxic people and situations that are no longer good for us and allow ourselves to let go. If we learn through introspection and reflection and accept the lesson that has been presented, we can live comfortably with the past, enjoy its memories and ultimately learn from our mistakes and not repeat them.

​ Rebecca earned her degree at the University of Missouri. She is a survivor of malignant narc abuse, cancer and DV. She shares her gifts with the living lotus to help other women dealing with abuse or toxic relationships. Rebecca found that living holistically helped her heal from the inside out. She would like other women to embark on their own transformation of the mind, body and spirit so they may also see how beautiful they really are.