Mental Well-Being & Others

Written By Sonara Carter-Barber

Self-care (SC) is where I begin in order to have good mental well-being.

The World Health Organization describes mental well-being as a state

of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can

cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully,

and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.

SC in essence is the mindful taking of time to pay attention to you in a way

that ensures that you are being cared for by you. Knowing who you are and

your limits.

Each day I strive to participate in positive self-talk. I realize how important it

is to my self-care. The first thing I say to my creator when I wake up in the

morning is, “thank you for another day of life Lord”. This helps to override

any dominate thoughts that might be in my head from the night before. The

next thing I do is smile and embrace the fact that I woke up.

The next thing I do is join my 6AM prayer line. This is where is obtain my

daily power for living. The prayers going up to heaven helps to count my

blessings and not my problems. This also helps me to smile when my

knees hurt. Just the simple fact of embracing the positive gives me a heart

of gratitude.

There are far too many days when I want to cry rather than to smile. We

lost the queen of our family last April 2019. My mother, who was

affectionately called Lady left this earth. I did not realize that my call to her

on April 28 the same day she past was the last day we would talk. I was the

only in my family who spoke to her. It is for this reason, I will always be

grateful. During the times, my heart wants to collapse at the thought of

never seeing mom again. I stopped and meditated in order to unclutter and

clear my negative thoughts. Of course, I allowed myself to grieve. It was

critical that I compartmentalized in order to be productive at work. I gave

myself plenty of time to experience all of my feelings. I most often think of

the good times we had. I reflected on the times we sang songs of Zion and

of the recordings I have as precious memories. The songs we sang

together gives me solace. The times I spent conducting music therapy with

mom blesses my mind. My understanding context of her passing

prepared to move forward with my life.

I have learned to be honest and speak my truth more. The video in this

program gave me more ways to do this in a way that will not hurt others.

For example, I was asked to speak at a funeral in November. I really did

not want to speak but will did it to bless the family. I handled this by talking

to God.

Meditation helps me to decomposes my day and clear my thoughts.

Besides the world is a noisy place and the need for silence is great.

Several studies have shown noise to have detrimental effects on general

wellness and that peace and quiet can actually do quite a bit to support it.

I take slow deep breaths several times per day. I can feel the stress leaving

my body as I take each breath. The breaths also help to slow down my

racing thoughts and allows me to have self-control. It feels good to take

deep breaths. I can feel the pressure leaving my body. My attitude of

wanting to be healthy encourages me to think positive thoughts. I enjoy

working at having a balance mental health.

 Smiling is another practice I do daily. It shifts my mood especially

when the day is not going so well. Smiling is a powerful way to trick

one’s brain. It’s an instant pain reliever to when I smile. Besides, I am

proud of my beautiful white teeth. Smile has many benefits and

makes one look younger. It also reduces blood pressure, increased

endurance, reduces pain stress and strengthened immune system. I like

carrying a smile on my face despite how I feel.

There are many times when I have a hard time getting to sleep at night.

This is when I listen to comedy. I often listed to nephew Tommy, Funny

Marco or Sinbad. Their pranks are so funny and take me to a different

place mentally on this universe. I laugh so hard that my face hurts. I usually

ends up falling asleep because I am exhausted.

I used music as a modality to help maintain balance. Music has a Natural

Holistic Approach to deal with anxiety, fear, and depression. Music is an

ancient tool of healing that was recognized in the writings of the Greek

philosophers (Pythagoras, Aristotle, and Plato). Music is a universal

language, it wallpapers our consciousness. It also permeates the

background in offices, stores, restaurants, film, health clubs, waiting rooms,

and airplanes. I can’t imagine a wedding, festival, church service, concert

or baby shower w/out music. We would be lost without music.

Research has shown that music works deep inside the brain to ease pain,

combat stress, anxiety, depression and sleeping disorders in children and

adults. When receptors receive a pleasurable musical stimulus, it is

transferred to the brain and releases natural chemicals in the body that

induce a decrease in pain and in requests for pain medication.

Below is a list of songs I use to help manage my mind, mood and anger. I

created a musical album and use the songs daily.

Feel/Need Song Artist______

Fear IN the Middle Isaac Carree

Sad Total Praise Richard Smallwood

Love Piece of My Love Guy

Broken Healing Kelly Price

Peace Happy Feelings Maze

I love feeding my thoughts. The book titled, Battle of the Mind by Bishop

Noel Jones reminds me to think the thoughts of God. Therefore, I often

reflect on the battle which is in the mind and to position my thoughts.

Therefore, I use the words awesome, incredible, terrific, fantastic,

beautiful, amazing, lovely and how wonderful in my conversations.

These word uplifts my mind and spirit when elevating others. It’s interesting

how the people that I say these words react positive to them. It’s as though

they are surprised sometimes. However, their reaction is always of delight

and joy. I do this on purpose for the sake of lifting and being inspirational.

The above are part of my self-care rituals that has allowed me to develop

personally and professionally. This adds greatly to my mental well-being.

There are many times, I can become unglued while dealing with my work

consumers. Their demands for government assistance is often

unreasonable. In some instances when they do not get certain services,

they will complain. I have to always listen to understand their needs. This

comes along with listening to their verbal and nonverbal language. I have to

constantly understand my consumer’s communication. I have to remember

their current situation and what they may have experienced. My goal is to

always have empathy for their situations. It is my goal to make sure each

time we communicate, I want it to be a positive experience for them.

I realize that tone of my strong baritone voice causes individuals (friends

and family) to perceive me as a strong black woman. I can easily be seen

as one who is angry. One’s voice tone often sends a message to others

which can have an effect on an individual. My Paralinguistic voice has

sometimes put me in a negative light. This is not how I want to be

perceived. I do my best to repeat the meaning of what I say and heard to

project that I come from a place of love (with my reactions). I want people

to understand my heart regardless of how it comes across.

I am careful with my body language to ensure I project a friendly tone. I

strive to give a message of love, nurture and hope. I love smiling and this

helps when I communicate. I know my smile can make feel people feel at

ease. I look at the eyes of others and want them to feel safe with me. There

are times when I will touch the person (when applicable) in effort to build

rapport. I will only give a touch if I feel the other person is comfortable with

being touched.

It provide good mental well-being when I communicate and others

understand me. This helps us to live in peace and not in pieces simply

because I have done my part of communicate effectively. I am blessed to

give my gifts and talents to to the world to make a positive contribution.

Written By: Sonara Carter-Barber

Holistic Lifestyle Advocate Program Graduate